Posted:
I woke up early today to go to the River Run, a college intramural race at Harvard. The Dunster House team met in G-Entryway and walked down to the Charles River together. The men's run went well. It was fun. I finished 58th place out of over 100 guys. Not bad... I've been training with the Harvard Hockey team, and although that's gotten me in great shape (I gained 10 lbs. of muscle mass in three weeks.), it's prepared me more for explosive speed (that's good for hockey) rather than endurance for long-distance running. I started off in the top 10, and then everything went downhill from there. it felt like my legs were weighing me down. my thighs are huge. good for explosive skating strides. but toward the end of the race, I started passing people as I gave it my all to the finish.
We were all tired after the race, catching our breaths. I jumped into a group photo with our team. Then, the photographer pointed and said, "Whoa!" surprisedly. One of the students from the race had passed out and was lying on his back on the ground. A couple of the other racers were kneeling beside him, and one yelled for someone to call 911. A girl was talking on her cell phone. I wasn't sure if she was talking to 911 or not. I called them to be sure and they said an ambulance was on the way.
All I could really do was watch. I felt so helpless. I felt like I did when I watched my dad die when I was 9. It was all too similar. He was unconscious. People were surrounding him, working together to deliver CPR. He had stopped breathing. People calling 911. These things were all the same. But what struck me as most similar was the feeling. The feeling of not knowing how to help... thinking that there was nothing I could do to help. Was there anything I could do? I wasn't sure... I thought after coming back to my room after the ambulance came and took him to the hospital... i thought that maybe I could've rounded up the crowd of people at the event and we could've prayed together. At least we could've come together and breaded positive energy with our minds that might've helped. I had heard of the time people came together to pray in Washington D.C. or something and the crime level decreased. Maybe that would've helped...
Everyone was watching and hoping and wondering and worried. We all wanted him to be okay. We were all scared. Some people were crying. I started praying for him to wake up. I prayed to my Dad and I prayed to God. I visualized myself seeing him healthy and shaking his hand and smiling at him and saying, "Hey! you're okay! :) you really scared me, there!" and then I would've wanted to hug him. Even though I didn't really know who he was... who knows... perhaps I've met him before at a meal or whereever... I'm sure I've seen him around. But that didn't matter. He's a human being just like me. A student at Harvard. I ran the race with him. I felt for him. I wanted him to live. I was really pulling for him.
After a couple minutes of CPR, he started breathing. He arched his head back as if to really open up the pathway for the air to go down his throat and into his lungs. He looked like he was struggling to breath. And he still seemed to be unconscious even though he was moving. A man helping said, "That's it! keep breathing. you're doing great!" I said to myself, "WHAT THE FUCK???" He was not looking good. He looked like he was trying to jump out of his body... like he was really struggling to get air. But I thought he was going to be okay. I thought they'd be able to resuscitate him. You see it happen in the movies a lot... (i guess the movies just like to fuck with your emotions and make you think the main character is gonna die, but then they resuscitate him...) but I mean, why would he die? Then, all of a sudden, I saw his legs spasm and he was lifeless again... no longer breathing. "What happened?" someone asked.
They got him breathing again at least one more time... maybe two more times.. i couldn't tell with all the people surrounding him. I was just standing there watching... and then, bamb... spasm and back to no longer breathing... then, they started the CPR again.
The ambulance came almost immediately. it took them like 5 minutes to come. that's amazing. After they got him an oxygen mask and an IV and took him away to the hospital on a stretcher, we started walking back to Dunster House. We didn't talk much. We were all worried.
I showered... talking to God and Dad in the shower... then I got dressed and ate some lunch in the Dunster House dining hall. Then, I went to the computer lab to check my email... before leaving, I looked up the number for the hospital and called them. I asked them if they knew how the Harvard student was doing. She told me to call HUHS about that. I did, and they told me they weren't giving any information about that currently but that I could attend a meeting at Adams house at 1pm. That didn't sound good. Actually, it sounded really bad. Actually, it sounded like that meant he died.
It was 12:55 so I grabbed my skateboard and booked it over there after quickly seeing if, in the dining hall, I could find anyone from the run who wanted to go with me. Nope. I went by myself. When I got there, I walked in through the back door and I overheard a couple of the dining hall staff members talking and I overheard one say, "... died ..." "Wait, what happened?" I asked. They were like, oh shit, don't go and start something now. I think that meant I wasn't supposed to tell anyone... It was hard not to. I walked in the dining hall and asked another staff member where the meeting was. He said it would be here at 1:30pm. I had 30 minutes. I looked around and said hi to a friend I knew. We talked for a bit and then I left.
As I walked out of Adams House, I saw the church in front of me. I walked into the church (I love how churches are like always open.), and I kneeled down at one of the pews to pray. The organist was playing the organ. It was nice. I prayed to Dad and I prayed to God. I started crying. The student died so fast. One second everyone was happy for having completed the race. The next second, he was dying. I think he died in like 20 minutes. They said it was possibly due to an undiagnosed heart condition. His heart just stopped functioning properly. My friend in premed said "ever get a muscle cramp in your leg before? imagine that happening to your heart." he said that's probably what happened. cause you're heart is a muscle.
But that made me think that that could've been anybody. That could've been me... or someone I know... or you... life can end so quickly and so unpredictably. I often ask myself, what am I doing with my life? Now, I'm going to start asking myself, "What can I do today that would make today more fun than ever before?" That's a good question. "What can I do today that would make me really happy and proud of myself?" "What can I do today in order to live my life to the fullest?" Because we only get one life. Enjoy it. and go to the doctor and make sure you're healthy. health is so important.